pandemic – Starshine Roshell

Uncertain How to Un-Hermit

Published on May 12, 2021

Once You Get Used to Quarantine, It’s Hard to Give It Up

At the end of a long cement hallway, a guard pulls the keyring from his belt and jabs a key into the iron lock. With a crank to the right, he steps aside and the cell door — at long last — swings open.

“It’s over,” he mutters with disinterest. “You’re free to go.”

My breath lodged in my throat, I steal a glance out the slit window of the lockup that’s held me captive for 14 surreal months. A tiny airplane crawls across the sky, and I can just make out the hiss of a nearby highway where free people are out living normal lives.

“No, thanks,” I say, tucking back into my book. “I’m good. But can you let me know when lunch is served?”

Fictional Friends: COVID’s Perfect Companions

Published on February 24, 2021

Quarantine Has Left Me Overly Involved in the Lives of My Streaming Pals

Once upon a time, I had friends. Actual flesh-and-blood buddies with whom I made plans. Went out. Shopped and danced. Ate and drank. Took walks. Met for coffee. Attended shows.

We knew the intricacies of each other’s families, kept up on each other’s work, hobbies, and health. Their problems were mine; my struggles theirs. They felt like my Allies for All Eternity.

And then the Pandemic hit.

Unity? Nah. Togetherness? Yes, Please.

Published on January 28, 2021

Big Thoughts from a Small Room While Awaiting My COVID Results

“Just keep looking straight ahead,” the woman said as she fed the cotton-tipped stick up my nostril, through my brain, and into my soul.

It was my first time being tested. I told her so before the prodding began.

“It’s not fun,” she had warned me — and she spoke the truth. It was uncomfortable, it brought tears to my eyes, and it went on forever.

But the same could be said of the year leading up to it.

Why Are So Many Folks Hankering for a Pandemic Pup?

Published on October 5, 2020

Santa Barbara Columnist Takes This Quaran-tunity to Adopt a Furry Friend

Looking back, it may not have been the best idea to get a puppy right after replanting our entire backyard. In the course of managing COVIDoldrums, they both just seemed like smart, unrelated projects to occupy our time.

Even as I type this, though, there’s a muddy-muzzled, filthy-pawed, remorseless little furball on the pale rug beside me gnawing maniacally on one of the five plants she uprooted today and lugged into my office, dirt clods and all.

It’s not like we needed a puppy. We have a perfectly good adult dog already, and our life was pleasantly predictable. We could sleep through the night. We could open our front door without fear of any residents escaping. Our hands were not covered in lacerations from tiny, “YOW!”-inducing needle teeth.

But when it became clear that life outside of our wearisome walls would not be resuming anytime soon, we joined thousands across the nation and took this quaran-tunity to adopt a furry friend.

Zooming Away from Privacy

Published on July 8, 2020

Nonstop Video Conferencing Puts Our Once-Secret Sanctuaries on Display

It’s gutting the economy, ravaging health care, and battering education. But fewer are talking about the ways this pandemic may be impacting our culture, taking things from us — lovely things — that we might never get back. Rock concerts. Open-office floor plans. Fro-yo toppings bars.

You know what else is likely to be rendered obsolete in a post-COVID world? Curtains. Shutters. And blinds.

While our homes were once sacred spaces where we were free to let down our guards, the new dangers of the outside world have forced us to invite the outside — awkwardly and perhaps ill-advisedly — in. Now, between Zoom, FaceTime, Teams, BlueJeans, and Google Hangout, there are more ways to bring strangers into your home than there are good excuses to leave it.

The (COVID-) 19 Reasons to Support the ‘Santa Barbara Independent’

Published on May 12, 2020

Our Columnist’s Perfectly Proportioned List of Why to Support This Newspaper Now

1. During a global pandemic, the local news they’re providing literally affects your life. Their reporters are asking tough questions of public health leaders, pushing for answers from our elected officials and introducing us to local heroes who risk their own health to keep us safe.

2. A steep and sudden drop in ads from restaurants, bars, and event venues has put the Independent in serious financial jeopardy, the likes of which it has never seen before.

3. When news is done well, as the Indy does it, it feels like a public utility — like it’s our right as citizens to have access to the information reporters provide. But it’s not. It’s a business, one that requires income to pay its few tireless reporters. And we could easily become one of the growing number of towns without a legitimate local news source to keep us informed.

Mating in Captivity?

Published on April 29, 2020

Why the Wave of ‘Quarantine Babies’ Must Be a Myth

I’ve heard the prophecy. You’ve heard the prophecy. By now we’ve all heard it: Nine months from now, we’ll see a wave of “quarantine babies,” conceived while humans across the globe stayed indoors and *wink, wink* found ways of entertaining themselves.

But I don’t believe it for a minute.

Have you ever seen a porno featuring a couple in sweatpants and rubber gloves wiping down boxes of frozen waffles and Minute Rice with spray bleach after returning, face-masked and reeking of Purell, from a terrified jaunt to the market? The answer is no, my friends. No, you have not.

Because this moment we’re suffering through is not a sexy moment. In fact, this bizarre blip in history couldn’t be less of a turn-on if it were a glob of ketchup-flavored spittle dangling from Donald Trump’s twaddle-spewing flaptrap.

My Social Distancing Diary

Published on April 1, 2020

Starshine Reports from Weeks of Santa Barbara Isolation with Her Quaranteens

Day One

Inventoried all Lysol wipes on premises, trimmed nails short for maximum tidiness, and gathered as family to create daily germ-blasting household wipe-down regimen.

Gobbled up kale salad, popped an Airborne gummy, and added home workouts to my calendar four times/week. Health is a priority!

Pulled out old recipe books, dusted off a 1,000-piece puzzle, and upgraded video streaming services now that we finally have time to explore all those award-winning series.

Brought in logs for cozy fires, ordered cute desk lamp for work-at-home station, and dug out tub of pore-purifying facial mud mask from the bathroom cupboard. Bring on the staycation!

Tag: pandemic