sex – Starshine Roshell

Mating in Captivity?

Published on April 29, 2020

Why the Wave of ‘Quarantine Babies’ Must Be a Myth

I’ve heard the prophecy. You’ve heard the prophecy. By now we’ve all heard it: Nine months from now, we’ll see a wave of “quarantine babies,” conceived while humans across the globe stayed indoors and *wink, wink* found ways of entertaining themselves.

But I don’t believe it for a minute.

Have you ever seen a porno featuring a couple in sweatpants and rubber gloves wiping down boxes of frozen waffles and Minute Rice with spray bleach after returning, face-masked and reeking of Purell, from a terrified jaunt to the market? The answer is no, my friends. No, you have not.

Because this moment we’re suffering through is not a sexy moment. In fact, this bizarre blip in history couldn’t be less of a turn-on if it were a glob of ketchup-flavored spittle dangling from Donald Trump’s twaddle-spewing flaptrap.

Is Porn the New Sex Ed?

Published on January 27, 2020

The Conversations You Need to Have With Your Kids. Right Now.

Arizona and Washington are debating this month whether to provide sex education in schools. Colorado’s deciding if parents can opt their kids out of the curriculum. And North Carolina parents are protesting their high schoolers’ sex ed, saying it “encourages promiscuity” and “destroys childhood innocence.”

What none of them seem to realize is this: Sex education is happening. It’s happening. The only question is whether you want it to be accurate, or you’re comfortable with your kids getting their titillating tutelage from Alexis Texas and Kendra Lust on pervclips.com.

This Is Not Your Parents’ Sex

Published on March 10, 2018

Women Share Stories About Sex After 50

Nobody wants to think about their parents having sex. Or their parents’ friends. Or, really, anyone their parents’ age. Because old-people sex is not hot.
We know this because countless magazine covers, soda commercials, music videos, and romance flicks tout taut-skinned hardbodies and shiny newness as indisputable turn-ons. Society is very clear: Gray hair ain’t no aphrodisiac … unless it’s on a guy … who’s charming a significantly younger woman … in a Viagra ad … as nature intended.
But then something freaky happens while you’re busy worshipping at the Church of Titillating Youth: You suddenly become your parents’ age. Gray hairs and all. And you realize that while you and your somewhat slack-skinned softbody are not likely to nude up in a music video anytime soon, you’re still fiendishly hot — and have oodles of sexin’ left to do.
So you write about it.

Sex Talk

Published on April 8, 2010

We modern parents are so enlightened. Unlike our Dark Age ancestors, who whacked through the child-rearing jungles with dull old saws like “curiosity killed the cat” and “children should be seen and not heard,” we encourage kids’ inquisitiveness.

We quench their thirst for knowledge by reading them books about disgusting insects and having long talks about thunder: “I have no idea where it comes from. Good question, sweetie! Let’s look it up!” My son’s favorite PBS cartoon always seems to be explaining why mold grows on sandwiches.

Because our generation applauds children’s curiosity. We reward it. We even brag about it. Until the day it turns toward our underpants, and then we freak the flip out about it.

That happened to a friend of mine last week. Another parent in her son’s preschool brought a newborn baby into the classroom, and the tots began asking her questions. One piped up with the inevitable, “How did the baby get in you?”

While curiosity may not kill a cat, it can do serious damage to a postpartum female. Caught off guard and loathe to decide for other families when — and, dear god, how — this delicate topic should be broached, the new mom explained that she and her husband had engaged in strategic “hugging.”

Sexile

Published on November 5, 2009

It wasn’t even sunrise when I felt nature’s call. Clad in my usual sleepwear — yesterday’s T-shirt, unfussy undies — I stumbled half-dreaming from my twin bed toward the loo and stopped cold as I shuffled past my roommate’s bed in the opposite corner of the narrow room.

Was that a hairy arm hanging out of the bed? Was that a man’s sleeping body entwined with that of my sacked-out roommate, only inches from my barely garbed, bathroom-bound bladder?

He hadn’t been there when I went to sleep. What had happened in here? Scratch that. I didn’t want to know. Could I possibly go back to sleep a mere feet from this rather attractive stranger? And if I left the room in my skivvies, how long before they’d clear out and I could return?

Tufts University drew nationwide shrugs and sniggers last month when it issued an edict to students: “You may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room.”

It’s funny. It is. But finding somewhere to bump bodies in college really is an exacting task. I remember breaking into empty dorm rooms and, once, climbing onto a campus rooftop. Not safe. Not smart. Not especially sanitary.

Just Say 'Know' to Teen Sex

Published on January 8, 2009

Grown-ups spend a lot of time worrying that the next generation is sexually stupid. “Today’s teens,” the cries begin, and they end with the words “wild,” “in such a hurry,” or “setting themselves up for heartache …”

They’re not unfounded, these accusations. But they were true of us, too. And they were true of our mothers, grandmothers, and — sorry for the mental image — great-grandmothers. Sex is like driving. Before you slide into the driver’s seat and take your foot off that brake, you don’t really know anything useful about it. And the education can be terrifying.

My friends learned the hard way. “I didn’t anticipate how emotionally overwhelming the experience would be,” said one.

“I wish I’d been better educated about STDs,” confessed another.

Me? My first time was slow and sweet, passionate and perfect — until my mother walked in on us. Wish I were kidding.

Watch Her Strut

Published on October 9, 2008

Long have men made a hobby of studying women’s wiggles. Dale Hawkins liked the way his Susie Q swaggered in the ’50s. In the midst of his 1979 hit “Here Comes My Girl,” Tom Petty erupted in a growly “Watch her walk!” Jane Fonda’s girlish gait inspired Bob Seger to pen the roadhouse grinder “Her Strut”: “They do respect her, but … they love to watch her strut.” (Or perhaps it’s: “They do respect her butt. They love to watch her strut.” Either way, really.)

Now researchers in Europe have turned men’s perambulation-peeping pastime from an art into a science. A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that just by watching a woman walk, experts could predict her ability to have vaginal orgasms (as opposed to clitoral orgasms, which sticklers consider to be cheating but which, for the record, most women still prefer over a dozen roses).

Researchers at the University of the West of Scotland had a sampling of young women answer questions about their sexual history. Then they videotaped the ladies walking through a public place and asked a couple of “trained sexologists” to watch the tape and guess which ones were prone to vaginal orgasms. Let’s pause here while our male readers kick themselves for going into the wrong line of work.

Everything I Know About Men I Learned at Strip Clubs

Published on June 28, 2007

While in Portland, Oregon, for a journalism conference last week, I boarded a rumbly old school bus for a tour of the city’s all-nude strip clubs. The bus was crowded, as good journalists never miss the chance to peek into a furtive subculture or, it turns out, to look at boobies.

Visiting five burlesque clubs in one night was a whirlwind education, but even more fascinating than the stage acts was the clientele. While men in buttoned-down shirts and loafers fixated on the gyrating sirens before them, I watched the watchers. Because when you strip away the pretense of dating and the art of romance, you get a little titillating insight into the male mating psyche — the naked truth, if you will.

Tag: sex

Why the Wave of ‘Quarantine Babies’ Must Be a Myth

The Conversations You Need to Have With Your Kids. Right Now.

Women Share Stories About Sex After 50