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Tag: Trump

And So It Begins …

Published on November 11, 2024

Misogynists Are Already Crawling Outta Their Hovels

It starts like this: Young men standing on a local freeway bridge waving signs that say, “YOUR BODY, MY CHOICE.” A dude strolling Carpinteria in a T-shirt bearing the same phrase. High-school boys texting it to female classmates.

The phrase is a derisive flip of “my body, my choice” (see what they did there?), which feminists chanted for reproductive freedom in the 1960s … and again recently as we lost that hard-won right.

Co-opting it as an endorsement of rape culture is gross, but it shouldn’t be surprising. When you elect a convicted felon who’s been found liable for sexual assault, who brags about grabbing beauty contestants’ vaginas, and who calls his opponents bitches, you send a strong signal that this is all acceptable — even entertaining — behavior.

Continue readingAnd So It Begins …

Enlisting the Break-Up Pros

Published on September 1, 2020

Could Japan’s Wakaresaseya Woo Away Our Ball-and-Chain POTUS?

Dear Wakaresaseya Agency,

We were recently perusing the news when among the usual fare of planetary plagues, unsurvivable hurricanes, and right-wing Christian three-ways, we read about your surreptitious services. We don’t mind confessing we’re entirely intrigued.

Can it be true there are businesses in Japan dedicated solely to breaking up relationships? And that people hire these covert agents to bust up their own marriages by luring their spouses into affairs??

It’s hard to believe — but then again, if someone had told us six months ago that we’d be marching to save the US Freaking Postal Service and shoveling mountains of money at Ole Grampa Biden, we’d have laughed in their unmasked face, sputtering, “Shyeah, right, I’d sooner homeschool my kids!”

Continue readingEnlisting the Break-Up Pros

Thank You, President Trump

Published on August 25, 2017

#45’s Frequent Failings Take my Mind off my Tween

It’s a phrase you don’t hear often. His chiefs of staff don’t say it. The terrified people of Guam don’t say it. You’re unlikely to catch any endangered species cooing it. But I’m gonna say it, and I’m gonna say it loud: Thank you, President Donald J. Trump! You’ve done me a solid, and I’ll bet you don’t even know it.

Continue readingThank You, President Trump

Trump Makes Women Want to Run

Published on June 5, 2017

That smug, can’t-catch-me grin. Those wee flailing hands, attempting to punctuate facts that don’t exist. That whiny voice huffing, “The biggest. Ever. Believe me.” I’ve long thought it true, but now statistics prove it:
There’s something about Donald Trump standing at the presidential podium that makes women want to run.

Continue readingTrump Makes Women Want to Run

Trump Plump: Post-Election Stress Eating Is a Thing

Published on April 3, 2017

You used to be fun, they say. You used to make us titter with your escapist jaunts into the lighter side of life. What happened, a few restless readers have asked, to the ribald soccer-mom confessions and largely superficial rants about bass players and fallopian tubes?
Trump happened, you guys. He golden showered all over the fun.
I’m sorry if I’ve been weighing you down with ponderous political tirades. Now more than ever, we all need a moment’s respite from the political onslaught. And I want to offer you lighter fare; I do. But I’m just … heavier than I used to be.
See, I’ve put on a few pounds since Election Night from stress eating. And, okay, stress drinking. My husband deemed my new squishiness “Trump Plump,” and purely because I enjoy a good rhyme and a snappy hashtag, he is still among us. But I’m not alone in my plight. Though Lena Dunham claims election despondence killed her appetite and left her svelte, my friends and I have inhaled every last crumb of Lena’s untouched food and then some.

Continue readingTrump Plump: Post-Election Stress Eating Is a Thing

Post-Election: The 7 Stages of WTF?!

Published on November 16, 2016

This isn’t how it was supposed to be. A week after the election, we were supposed to be celebrating in the streets, a jubilant, enlightened populace congratulating ourselves on having elected the most sensible, knowledgeable, and experienced candidate. Having spoken out for respect. And inclusiveness. One nation under Her, indivisible, with taco trucks and pantsuits for all.

Analysts will spend years unknotting how we got this so wrong; it may wind up in history books. What’s clear is we underestimated Americans’ dissatisfaction with the status quo — and overestimated their concern for anyone besides themselves.

So now we sit, slumped, humiliated as the rest of the world stares slack-jawed at our crude windbag of a choice. Our swaggering snake-oil salesman. Our callow narcissist. (Hi, Trump’s NSA. Are we doing this yet?)

Continue readingPost-Election: The 7 Stages of WTF?!
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